


If You Are The Death Of Me, That's How I Want To Go

by art_is_dead



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 19th Century, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Attempted Murder, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Kidnapping, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Unrequited Love, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Unsympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:08:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29474475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/art_is_dead/pseuds/art_is_dead
Summary: Virgil and his boyfriends, Remus and Janus, have been assassins since they were teens. It's always simple missions. However, one day Janus and Remus task Virgil with killing the current prince of the Kingdom of Sanders, Remus' brother, Roman, as well as his advisors/fiancés, Logan and Patton.However, this mission becomes more difficult that expected for Virgil.What's Virgil supposed to do when he falls in love with his targets?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dr. Emile Picani, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. The Beginning

Virgil listened to the train chugging along the tracks. He felt every bump on the tracks. He felt the slight weight of a water canster and his sachel. The warmth in his cloak was just under uncomfortable. Even though he's done a million jobs at this point, those weren't important to him, those weren't _personal._

It was pretty simple, kill the reigning prince and his advisors. However, the prince was Remus' brother, Roman, and the advisors were his boyfriends. The reasoning was simple, if Roman and his lovers are gone, since the king died about a year ago, Remus would have been next in line. But since Remus was banished when he was 14, he didn't have any ties to the throne. However, with no one commanding troops, Remus, Janus, and Virgil can swoop in and take the throne back.

Virgil pressed a palm to his eyes. In order to get personal to the prince, he had to infiltrate the castle. The slow poison in his water would stun the regular doctors in the kingdom, causing them to ask the prince for his personal medical team to care for Virgil. The poison wouldn't kill Virgil, it would act much like Belladonna, but it wasn't quite the same. He would likely be very weak for a while, but it won't kill him.

Of course, Virgil had done extensive research on the kingdom. The late king had died a year ago. His son, Roman, is to take the throne. He is currently engaged to Logan Berry and Patton Heart, his bestfriends and advisors since birth. They will likely be married and crowned by the end of next year. The kingdom, Sanders, was known for taking in refugees of war or crime. It was simple, you would be asked a few questions (age, name, reason for visit, immigrating or visiting) and you were a citizen. Simple.

But there was a very special way that they wanted the job done. Virgil had to gain their trust. Then, when they were least expecting, tie them up and put them in the dungeon. Janus and Remus will sneak in. Make them suffer. Patton's death should be quick, but Virgil had to make it somewhat traumatzing. Like a little torture before death. Logan's should take longer. He had turned down Remus' advances when they were little. Remus wanted to be there when Logan dies. He wanted to make him suffer the way he suffered for years. Roman's would be last. He could be kept alive for as long as they want. Anywhere from days to years. Just when he's about to give up and accept living forever in his castle's dungeon, kill him. Slow and painful.

Virgil was currently pale and felt sick. It was very simple to cause some concern with fellow passengers. They had noticed his discomfort and several had offer some medicine or a blanket. Virgil assured he would be fine. As long as he finished his water shortly before being checked in, he shouldn't pass out.

Virgil felt the trains stop, he finished his water, feeling hot and cold at the same time as he struggled to keep his small breakfast from that morning down. 

He and other passengers were moved into lines, families in one, couples in another, and single travelers in the last one. Virgil waited only a few minutes before he sat down at a desk with a lady, her name was Samantha, she had dusty golden skin and dark, dark brown hair that was arranged into little braids. 

"Hello, I'm Samatha. I just have a few quick questions before you are all ready to go. Okay?" Her voice was cheery and momentarily made Virgil almost forget his discomfort.

"Okay," Virgil weakly said.

"What's your name?" 

"Ethan Star." Simple name, rarely used, not that there would be an record of Ethan Star or Virgil Storm. The kingdom is known for privacy, they won't look into your name without probable cause.

"How old are you?" 

"22." Not a lie, but again, there are a lot of 22-year-olds coming in, Virgil supposed.

"Are you visiting or immigrating?"

"Uh, ahem," Virgil cleared his throat, "immigrating."

"May I ask why?" 

_Just like you practiced,_ "I, um, had a fiancé. I didn't really want to marry him, he, uh, made me do things...things I didn't like. But he was rich and offered money for my hand in marriage when I was 17. The wedding was supposed to be today. And I-" Virgil acted choked on the words, tears slipping, despite his pain, he was still a damn good actor, "I ran away. I couldn't do it."

"Okay, okay, dear." Samantha handed him a tissue and some cold water, which Virgil gluped greadily. "There are serveral support groups for people in you situation," he gave him several papers, that Virgil will never look at, if his plan works.

Virgil felt lightheaded, the sun was to bright and it was too hot under his cloak. The lady, Samantha, had noticed, "Mr. Star? Is everything alright? You look awfully pale."

"I-" Virgil was suddenly thrown into a coughing fit. He was weak, his legs jelly and head as heavy as a boulder.

He fell to the side. Darkness danced in his vision. Ever so slightly.

For a second, his heart sped up. He knew he wasn't in danger. Remus and Janus had made this specifically for Virgil. They wouldn't hurt him.

Right?

He heard people run around. People yelling for help and a doctor.

Virgil's vision went completely black.

* * *

Virgil pried his eyes open. He calmed his racing heart once he woke in unfamiliar territory. It looked like a rather standard setup for a room. To the left was one door, another was facing the bed. One was likely a bathroom while must led outside. The bed was decorated in large posts along with black and gray pillows and blankets. At the foot of the bed was a large dresser. The room itself was carpeted a dark purple with grey walls. To the right was a large wooden desk in front of a large window.

The door facing Virgil swung open and a maid came in, carrying bedsheets. "Oh! You're awake. I will retrieve Patton. Logan and his highness are rather busy right now." She left just as quickly as she entered. 

Virgil flopped onto the bed, groaning at the pain that briefly coursed through his body. 

_I did it._


	2. Target 1: Patton Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil meets his first target, Patton Heart

Virgil laid still for several minutes before the door swung open. A man that was taller than Virgil by a few inches, likely 5'9" if Virgil had to guess. He had light blue eyes and blond hair that fell into messy curls. He was dressed in a light blue tunic and light brown pants.

 _Patton Heart_ , Virgil assumed.

"Hello, I'm Patton. One of the prince's advisors. And you are?" Patton's voice was light, friendly, and cheerful. He asked the question as if he didn't know, which would be impossible. _Probably just to strike up a conversation_ , Virgil thought, already slipping into a confused and scared mask.

"Ethan Star," Virgil answered, voice teetering as if on the edge of crying.

"Well Ethan, do you remember what happened?" Patton walked steadily closer to the bed and sat at the foot while Virgil pushed himself into a sitting position.

"Uh, I was at the check-in desk. And, and I think I was a little warm, but I think that's it. Sorry," Virgil made his voice to sound confused. He has had many years of experience to know how to act or react to something.

"Well, Ethan, you are in one of the castle's guest rooms. You passed out. Local doctors couldn't figure out what it was. So you were brought here. It was a special...mixure, it acted like the poisonous berry, Belladonna, and we have reason to believe that you are in danger," Patton so gently put it.

"Some-someone poisoned me?" Virgil said, seemingly scared and confused.

"We-umm, we don't know. But just to be safe, you should stay here," Patton carefully placed one hand over Virgil's and gave a light squeeze, "I think Logan is about done. I'll go get him. Everything will be okay." Patton said his parting words before walking away, closing the door behind him.

Virgil tried to remember what Remus and Janus told him in regards to Patton. Remus believed he had a strong moral sense, which made him less lenient with rules. Janus thought he was too selfless and too convincing for people to put others first rather than themselves. He had been a priest's son, if he remembered correctly. Either way, they both relatively liked Heart. 

But still, he had to suffer, just a little. He would die first, of course. For a bit, Remus wanted to 'keep' Heart, like a slave.

There weren't any slaves in Sanders, but Virgil has traveled far enough to see his fair share of enslavement. Sometimes, it would be that one race was considered inferior, which Janus, Remus, and Virgil all thought was ridiculous. Other times, it was a matter of class and status. If you hadn't dressed nice enough while in the streets, you could've been picked up and enslaved for life.

Janus believes a good political statement would be a public execution, instead of inside the depths of the castle. Remus thinks that they should do some torture, he believes it should be physical for Heart, but also pyschological torture for the prince and Logan.

_"Maybe we should cut his toes and fingers off!" Remus had excitedly explained, "And feed them to Ro and Lolo!"_

_"I don't know," Virgil said, a little sqimmish for his upcoming mission, just a month away. He really shouldn't be surprised, ever since he meant the two, they've been obsessed with getting revenge on the royal family. With how much detail they give of the horrific ordeal they've been through, Virgil himself has developed deep rooted hatred for them._

_"Let's just write it down, if we have time, then yes, Remus, you may cut off a finger or toe, if you want," Janus had said._

_"Yes! Emo, you are going to have a blast at the castle!" Remus said, wrapping an arm around Virgil's shoulders, before exclaiming, "We should blow one of them up!"_

Virgil moaned a little in pain. He knew he likely will be immobile for several days, but he wasn't aware that the cramps in his stomach would be persistent.

Virgil fell into an uneasy sleep as he waited for Heart's return. With another target.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two! Yeah!  
> Stay safe out there! :)


	3. Target 2: Logan Berry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil meets his second target, Logan Berry.

Virgil woke to voices outside his door. One was clearly Patton, the other he didn't know. He kept his eyes closed and laid still in case they did decide to come in.

_"Logan, there is nothing to worry about. Remind me, how long has it been?"_

A small pause, then a tired voice huffed, _"6 years, but-"_

_"And how long has it been since the last sighting?"_

_"...5 years, 3 months, and 20 days..."_

_"And lastly, how many times have you seen them since then?"_

_"...zero, but-but that doesn't mean they're gone"_

There was a little pause again, before Patton whispered, _"I know baby, I know."_

The door swung open, Virgil kept his eyes closed, steadied his breathing, and tried to keep still and also relaxed. He heard two pairs of footsteps make their way to his bed. One stopped at the foot of the bed, another continued their way to just beside Virgil's head. 

"Poor thing," Virgil recognized it as Patton, whose voice was closest, so he must be the one standing by Virgil, "he's probably so exhausted."

Patton gently shook his shoulder, "Ethan? It's me, Patton."

Virgil mumbled before opening his eyes, looking like he just woke up, "Mmm, Patton?"

Heart smiled, "Yeah, I brought Logan with me, he's another advisor of the prince." 

At the mention of Logan, Virgil struggled to sit up, despite Heart's help. He wanted to see the person that broke Remus' heart. He looked slightly paler and more thin than Patton. He was tall. Probably about Janus' height, so maybe 6'0". He had raven black hair that almost matched Virgil's. His eyes were a deeper blue than Patton's, like the ocean after a storm, while Heart's were more of a sky blue. 

"Hello Ethan. I'm Logan, as Patton told you." Remus was right about his voice, one part that he was so fond of. He explained it was robotic-like. No emotion behind it. 

"Hi Logan." Virgil said, somewhat awkwardly.

"I'm sure Patton already told you, but I have heard your story. And I am very sorry any of that happened to you, but I assure you, you are safe here." Virgil still could barely hint any emotion in his voice, "I have to retire to my office right now, but later I will be by to introduce you to the prince, and in a few days we're going to try to exercise you legs so you can walk again. Your body is very weak right now. But we're going to attempt to repair any damage caused." With those words, and a lingering look at Patton that screamed, 'be careful', he turned away and quietly shut the door behind him.

"Don't worry about him," Patton said, sitting beside Virgil's head, "he's been through a lot. He has some issues letting people in now."

"Why? What happened?" Virgil asked, even though he knew the story.

Patton sighed, tracing patterns into the blanket, "A long time ago, there was a boy that liked Logan, he didn't really like the boy back. And this boy, after Logan rejected him, did something unforgivable. He and his friend that also helped were both banished, we haven't seen either since we were sixteen." Patton seemed lost in memory.

"Oh," even though Patton kept it very vague, like leaving out the fact that the boy was a prince, and that what the two did was burn down an orphanage, but it wasn't their fault! The kids were supposed to be outside. It wasn't supposed to burn so quickly either! He also didn't mention that he, the prince, and Berry did not help them at all. Of course they wouldn't, with Remus being the oldest, if he was gone, Roman would be the heir to the throne, allowing them to take it for themselves to be crowned.

But for now, Virgil sucked up his anger. He carefully placed one of his hands over Patton, letting the other believe he was genuinely sorry. In reality, Virgil couldn't wait to kill him and the ones that did nothing to help Janus or Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe out there! :)


	4. Target 3: Roman Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil meets his final victim, Prince Roman

It was probably sometime in the afternoon when Virgil once again heard voices beyond the door. It was Logan and Patton, but there was a third voice. He was quick to catch onto people's voices and identify who they belong to. Heart's had a cheery tone to it, while Berry's sounded like a lecture. This one sounded...extra, as Remus would put it. Almost like a carnival showman introducing the next act. He remembered the way Remus used to mimic his brother's voice.

 _"I would advise against this, Roman,"_ Logan's voice was muffled by the door.

 _"You advise against everything Lo,"_ The prince's voice sounded exasperated, like this is the millionth conversation they've had on this topic, _"'I don't think you should go visit this kingdom. I'm not sure about this.'"_

 _"It's my job."_ A slight pause before a muffled, _"I know, I'm just-I don't know...worried. I think."_

 _"I know, love."_

Those were the final words made before the door swung open, Virgil put down the book he had been pretending to read. Berry stayed by the door, while Heart and a newcomer came by Virgil on the bed. This new person was most likely the prince, dressed in a white suit and red sash. The prince was probably a little shorter than Logan or perhaps the same height. His skin was more golden and his hair was bordering between red and brown. His muscles were visible even under his white dress shirt. Although, Virgil hated to admit, he was rather handsome. He did have some resemblance to Remus. But Remus was paler and noticeably thinner. Remus also had a small streak of white in his hair.

"Ethan, this is Prince Roman." Patton explained.

"Greetings, Ethan," Roman flashed a handsome smile that showed his white, perfect teeth.

"Your highness," Virgil mimicked a reaction of surprise and respect. 

"We'll leave you two alone for a bit. Just to get to know each other!" Heart's cheery voice drifted to Virgil's ears. He doesn't know why, but he was suddenly scared. To be left alone with the person who singlehandedly destroyed your boyfriends' lives was frightening to say the least. 

Berry and Heart left, leaving 'Ethan' and Roman alone. Just a lonely immigrant and a rich prince.

Roman sighed and sunk onto the bed while Virgil pushed himself up. He felt too weak to do much else. 

"Ethan," Prince started, "I know you are tired and probably want to do nothing, but we think it's important that we find out who exactly may have poisoned you."

"Oh, your highness-" Virgil tried to explain before he was interrupted.

"Please, just call me Roman. There is no need for formalities here." Roman once again gave a warm smile.

"Roman," Virgil smirked, seemingly amused, "there really isn't a problem. I escaped. They can't find me, and I doubt there is a more secure place than inside an actual palace."

"Are you sure? We have one of the best army around. We can find them if we had to." 

"Really, they're probably long gone by now." 

"Well, if you are certain, but you still have to stay here. Logan will track your progress. He is well-trained to become a doctor. Your body, as you've probably noticed, is really weak right now. It's might take a bit before you are able to fully walk around again. But the good news is that there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage." 

"Thank you, Roman, I appreciate letting me stay in the castle. I promise, as soon as I am able, I'll help anyway I can-"

"Just worry about getting better, Ethan."

"Thank you, again."

"You're welcome. I'll leave you to rest, someone should be up soon to give you dinner. Rest up now, Logan is definitely going to exercise your muscles tomorrow to try and get you walking again!" With that, Prince stood up and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Virgil analyzed his progress. Heart seemed to trust a lot, but he had a lot of emotional baggage, perhaps he can play into that. Berry was difficult, but he would practically be alone with him tomorrow. Prince...was caring, maybe Virgil can manipulate that somehow. 

But dusk was quickly sneaking up on him and he, once again, slept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe out there! :)


	5. time passes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's mission is put into action.

Virgil believes it's been about a week since he began his stay at the castle. He can remember one mission like this. 

His job was to seduce a cruel king, enough to slip a drug into his drink. The drug would kill him, seemingly dying of a heart attack. 

Virgil had been undercover for months, seducing the young king to his side. They were having dinner when Virgil suddenly didn't feel good. Someone had tipped the king off about a possible assassination attempt. 

Janus and Remus had been watching carefully at that point and saved him, killing the king. The queen took power. Her kingdom thrived. 

However, this was still different, if all went well, Virgil would never have to struggle to look for a place to sleep. Never have to steal to eat. Never have to sell himself for scraps only to be cast aside when his current 'owner' got bored of him. He would be safe. 

Virgil had spent the past week working up his strength. Logan came in for an hour between breakfast and lunch and again between lunch and dinner. They did little exercises, just stretches. After a few days, Virgil was ready to be in a wheelchair, with help. Now he was able to work the wheelchair himself. He couldn't go up or down stairs, but he was just happy to finally be out of bed. Berry was trying to get him comfortable with using crutches. It was a slow process, but Berry has said his recovery was going faster, saying that it was possible to walk by the end of the month.

He quickly picked up how to act. According to his targets, he was Ethan, a scared immigrant running from a dangerous family. He has no family or friends he can turn to. 

Heart had taken a sort of older brother/father figure. Constantly checking on Virgil to make sure if he is settling in nicely. He was worried about Virgil's comfort. 

Berry had proven to have a hard exterior, but a soft interior. He had been methodical and cold when Virgil first meant him. However, he was soft and caring around Roman and Patton. He was surprised by Virgil's vocabulary and they had made a little bond over books.

Prince was difficult. He was busy with royal duties and it was spend one-on-one time with. He is rather kind. His small kingdom didn't reach far and he personally knew every citizen by name. He does his best to make sure his subjects are cared for and have a full meal for the day. 

All three have been...different than what Virgil was expecting. 

From what Remus and Janus had told him, the view was a stark contrast. Berry was supposed to be cold all the time, he shouldn't have laughed at a dumb joke Virgil had let slipped out. Heart was supposed to be strict. He was supposed scold someone for breaking something, not telling dumb puns and referring to everyone as a family. And Prince, he should've been selfish, only focused on himself. He shouldn't be outside every night to make sure everyone had a roof over their head and food on the table.

But no matter, it doesn't change his mission at all. Just because they show hospitality to a stranger doesn't change anything they've done.

Today was no different than any other day. He was making his way to the kitchen. He needed help going up and down stairs, but overall it was easy. He paused when he saw Heart. 

Virgil took a deep breath and slipped into his mask. "Hey, Pat," he easily greeted.

"Hey kiddo! I'm just making cookies for the elementary school. Do you want to help?" Virgil hadn't been expecting that. 

"Are you sure I won't get in the way?" Virgil questioned. 

"Of course not! There's plenty of room for both of us." Patton exclaimed. 

"...okay, I wasn't doing anything anyways," Virgil agreed.

The wheelchair had proven to be a difficult thing to work over. But they managed, making a variety of baked goods. As they baked, they made small talk. Patton mentioned Roman and Logan would be gone for the day for something important.

After about 2 hours of baking, Patton and Virgil called it a day, Heart called a servant to deliver the snacks to the school.

"Oh my," Heart breathed out, finally resting, "I am exhausted. How about you?" 

Virgil shrugged, "It was nice," he vaguely responded. 

Heart laughed, "Yeah, baking can bring anyone's mood up in my experience."

Despite his head screaming at his heart, he felt...warm.

Why did he feel so nice after baking? He baked long before meeting Heart. What was different?

Virgil pushed the feeling down. He has a job. He will finish it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bam!  
> Chapter 5
> 
> Stay safe out there! :)


End file.
